"Don't Forget..."

Being a parent is not an easy job! Parenting is demanding physically, emotionally, socially, and financially.  It is a huge responsibility…all the time!  When parenting a medically fragile child things get way more complicated.  Add more worry, guilt, and responsibilities and huge consequences for errors to the load.  Add doctors, social workers, nurses, and my favorite schedulers who all think their priorities should be my priority.  Ahhhh!

In the face of great stress other people can be so helpful!  “Don’t forget to take care of yourself!”  Such words are often uttered when my child is critically ill in the hospital, I am facing a writing deadline that will determine whether I can pay the rent for the next three months, and I have a college student who is complaining about a paper that is not yet graded.  “Don’t forget to take care of yourself!” There have been many times when I have wanted to yell in return, “Just how am I supposed to do that?” 

I confess I started a list of things that would calm me down especially for stress in confinement, like an emergency room.  A cold drink, crunchy food, a trash novel, a Sudoku puzzle, and my child…okay so they were actually the tools I needed to sit still for the long hours of worry and waiting.  I had another list for actual hospital stays (I never leave Maddie for long).  Here are some of the things I have found helpful.

v  I have to remind myself to eat and sleep regularly.  If I don’t, I am easily overwhelmed and cranky.  The “to do list” in my head just has to wait for me to do those two things or even the simplest of tasks takes more time and energy than I can give.

v  I need to maintain relationships with friends who have a calming and strengthening affect on me.  When I am stressed, I avoid people who like drama or have a need to “fix” me.

v  I have adopted serenity spaces to take a short break.  For me the most effective spaces involve trees and outdoors (even when the snow is blowing).  I had to establish firm boundaries with the other people in my world about giving me time alone in those spaces.

v  I remember my grandparents raised children with far less money, space, options, and without a dishwasher!  They bring me strength and courage and gratitude for living in this time with my child instead of decades past.  

v  If I am looking at a long hospital stay, I do what I would at home.  I once created four huge backdrops for a children’s event host by a couple of museums, sitting right next to Maddie.  I have sewn clothes and props by hauling my sewing machine to Maddie’s hospital room.  I have written countless English lessons and graded a multitude of papers.  The work and the routine are important for my mental health as well as our financial well-being.

v  And every day, no matter what is going on, I get to take at least 15 minutes to do just what I want to do.  It might be dancing to a song that makes me happy, reading a junk novel, painting something silly, or taking a very hot bath and fantasying I’m on a cruise ship heading for Alaska.

As frustrating as it is to hear, “Don’t forget to take care of yourself,” it is important to figure out how to do that.  I am so aware that taking care of myself looks different than taking care of anyone else!  Once I knew what worked for me, handling whatever comes my way much easier.