Teaching without Knowing

Did you know that every day you are teaching?  You ARE!  And for most of us, without a teaching certificate.  Your child is learning from you all the time.

Maybe the most important thing we teach our children, we do without even knowing we are doing it.  While we are focused on helping our children learn to eat, sleep, sit, crawl, walk, talk and all the other things that go into life, we are teaching them who they are.

Teaching a child who he or she is, is critically important!  Our interactions, words, and actions communicate to our child how we feel, what we believe, and what we expect.  A child subconsciously internalizes all of that which becomes what he or she believes about themselves.

In the case of children who have significant special needs, those messages maybe even more important.    Our interactions are teaching a child what it means to be “handicapped.”  Contrary to the connotative meaning of the word, it does not need to mean “helpless.”

I once had a few disturbing conversation with a teacher in an Indiana school Maddie was attending.  The class was playing a very simple (way too simple for Maddie’s level) game of color BINGO.  Maddie won.  Suddenly the verbal children in the room began clamoring to pick a prize for Maddie. 

Taken back, I said to the teacher, “Maddie is very capable of picking her own prize.”

The response left me speechless, “I know but the other kids like helping her.”

So what has been instilled in each child in the room is that Maddie is helpless.  Her capacity, opinions and desires come second to the other kids’ (and too often adults’) need to help.

What would have helped Maddie more would be to expect, encourage, and even demand that Maddie do absolutely everything she was capable of.  Only as a last resort would something be done for her. 

This approach communicates to Maddie that she is capable and able.  It instills an understanding that she can do things and other people respect that she is capable.

It is too easy to surround a child with significant special needs with the message, "You are helpless.  You need to be taken care of.  You are incapable."  Those messages do not help anyone.

I think it is critical to children who are medically fragile or have significant special needs to be nurtured to be doers with some control over their world.  And that depends largely on how their caregivers interact with them. 

Next weeks blog post will be "5 Ways to Teach Your Child Who He or She Is"

What do you think the words and interactions with your child are teaching him or her?

First Can-Do Spirit Artist

Six year old Julissa Maben

I am proud to introduce Can-Do Artist Julissa Rana Maben.  Julissa is a six year old student at JP Lord School in Omaha, Nebraska.  She is lively, curious, and determined.  I was captivated from the moment she started teaching me to clap…well, tried to teach.  I am a bit rhythmically challenged. 

Julissa created an art master piece to help me with a new book which will be available later this spring.  The book is entitled Can-Do Spirit Art and contains 10 projects that children with physical challenges can do. 

If you would be interested in your child being part of this project, please let me know.  The book will include your child as a Can-Do Artist complete with his or her story.  In return for participation in the project, you will receive digital copies of the photos and a copy of the eBook when it is published. 

I regret that I have to limit this to children living within a 25 radius of Omaha, Nebraska. 

 

 

 

                                                      Julissa: The Glitter Queen!

5 Things to Stimulate Your Child's Brain

Image courtesy of Salvatore Vuono at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It has been a long known fact that the care, interaction, and stimulation in the first few years of life of a human being impacts intelligence, emotional well-being, and social skills.   I firmly believe that is even more important to children with significant special needs.

Infants and toddlers are a lot of work.  Our kids need our attention to eat, sleep, bathe, dress, medications, and treatments.  The truth is that a good number are dependent on someone else to initiate any interaction.

It is so easy to set our children in front of the TV so that we can get a few things done.  What is not to like about TV; it has bright pictures and constant sound?  If it entertains our kids, isn’t that stimulation enough?  Without any research to back up my view, I think TV is of very little value to children with significant special needs.  It requires nothing of the child or anyone else.  I think it is an invitation to enter a stupor state.

You maybe thinking, "Great another thing I need to do for my child's well-being! Does the list ever end?" 

Don't panic.  I am not suggesting anything that requires a lot of time or expense.  It is more about using the time already spent caring for your child to a greater benefit to both of you. 

So what does make a difference?   The answer is actually some very easy things.

1.  Attentive interaction:  This really requires nothing more than being attentive while performing personal cares.  Talking, engaging vision, and playing silly little games while doing daily cars is vastly different than just getting the task at hand done.   It doesn’t take any more time.  It is parent or caregiver multitasking at its best.

2.  Physical Stimulation:  Somewhere along the line a medical person told me that stimulating toes and feet increases blood flow to the brain.  I don’t know if that is true or not.  But what I do know is that massaging Maddie’s toes while I took a few minutes to sit (not a strong suit) was greatly enjoyed by both of us.  She was relaxed, more alert, and her toes warmer.  The simple motion helped me to relax, also.

3.  Play music:  Introduce your child to a variety of music.  There have been studies about the effects of classical music (especially child composers like Beethoven and Mozart.  It appears the music helps create brain paths that leads to higher intelligence. Depending on the type of music a child will be calmed, energized or even silly. 

4.  Read to your child:  I know you have heard this one a thousand times.  Reading to a child significantly impacts a child’s ability to focus, speak, and later to read.  Some of our kids may never be able to do those things but then again no one knows for sure.  Reading certainly is not going to hurt!  I am a firm believer in reading to all children under the age of 5 every single day. 

5.  Interact with other children:  Over and over again I watched one child get another child to do something.  Sometimes it is a good thing and sometimes it’s not.  Children motivate and influence each other in ways an adult cannot.  If you have other children, it happens naturally.  If you have one child, it will take more attention to arrange play dates with neighbors, cousins, preschool, or school mates.  It is worth the effort.

Note:  It is important to teach other children to play with your child rather than to “help.”  It is critical that your child have peers rather than helpers (more about that next week).